Terminated Our Mono/Mono Twin Pregnancy - I feel so guilty and sorry.

by Tara
(Pittsburgh, PA)

Our first sonogram (both babies and yolk)

Earlier this summer my fiance and I discovered we were pregnant. (Actually, it was confirmed I was pregnant on the same day my Grandmother passed away.) The pregnancy was quite a surprise and unexpected - it was estimated I was about 6 weeks when we found out.

At about the same time I became very ill with nausea and major cramping/pain and ended up in the emergency room and I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis. The doctors sent me for an ultrasound. During the ultrasound the technician was very quiet and said she had to go get her supervisor. When the doctor came in he asked, "Was this pregnancy expected?" to which I replied "No." He then asked, "Well...is it wanted?" I was baffled at the question and didn't even know how to answer.

He went on to explain that I was pregnant with mono/mono twins and that he thought they were conjoined. I would have to go to a high risk ob/gyn the next day. I was so shocked and devastated. My fiance wasn't with me so I asked for a printout of the ultrasound to help try to explain to him what was going on.

For weeks we went to one high risk ob/gyn after another. Finally, through ultrasound after ultrasound it was determined the pregnancy wasn't conjoined. After much research our doctors told us that essentially the mortality rate of our twins would be really high and that there wasn't much of a chance of survival.

I was put on the chemotherapy medication, Zofran, for my nausea and lost 25 pounds in a month. After 3 more emergency room visits our doctors said we could either continue what would be a hellacious pregnancy and still possibly lose both babies or terminate the pregnancy. At that point our babies were given a 60% mortality rate.

In the end my fiance and I chose to terminate our pregnancy. I had a D&C at our hospital on August 21, 2008. We never even found out if they were boys or girls, but I always felt that they were girls, so we named them Emily & Rebecca.

It hasn't been long since the procedure and I feel absolutely shattered and terrible about it. I keep second-guessing our decision. I feel like a coward and guilty about what I did to my babies. I feel like I should have continued the pregnancy - no matter what. It's so hard to see and hear all the stories of all of the healthy mono/mono twin pregnancies.

I just wanted to post this for anyone else who may have terminated their mono/mono twins. Thank you to everyone for sharing.